The Awakened Piranha

I envision them as small and red with razor sharp teeth; evil in spirit. In my mind's eye they travel through my body scheming, planning their attack, initiating, chewing angrily. They are my metaphorical piranha. At any given time they can be awakened. In the morning. In the evening. Upon my own awakening. Their work feels like you would imagine piranha might feel if unleashed to eat you alive from the inside. The piranha sensation is only one of the many symptoms that terrorize me on a daily basis -- all part of a nasty disease called Psoriatic Arthritis.

In the many articles I've read about this disease, I see Psoriatic Arthritis abbreviated PsA. So common and matter-of-fact as to already have a widely used acronym. It haunted me for years, unchecked and anonymous. I found it only this year. Like a drone fighter plane, it stalked me since the Fall of 1999 and deconstructed my physical body; my ability to work; my life. I would have fought earlier but it took me 10 years to get a handle on its position and strategy and to be officially introduced. Now I know and the combat has begun. That whole story in another blog...

Now, about these piranha. Today, they have decided to meet in my big left toe. Together, they must be chewing and chomping; maybe releasing some kind of toxin. If I were blind and describing to someone the state of my toe it would go something like this: it is swollen so tight the skin might split open soon; it is red; it is visibly throbbing; there may be a serious fracture.

But, I can see it; and, from the looks of the toe I'm imagining things. Piranha, some might think, is an exaggeration. How can something hurt so bad without being bloody, swollen, having a bone sticking out? Ahhh. That is the sad truth about this disease. You look fine. How can it hurt? How can you be sick? Questions others have asked me and ones I've asked myself, many times.

When not in my toe the piranha travel freely through my physical body. Sometimes they cycle through every joint in my body, stopping only for a second or two. I can visualize the cycle in my minds-eye, like a diagram from sixth grade science class. The shoulder, the finger, the toe, the knee, the hip, the ribs, the chest -- everywhere. They roam, they play, they plunder, they bite! Other days, like today, the piranha just land somewhere and have party - chewing and chomping at one joint; slowly eating it away, leaving me to wonder what will be left when they move on in a hour, a day, or even a year.

Yes, a year. My right index finger is proof of that reality. Now, a splint works silently to fix the damage they did there. The finger is twisted and bent now, after the year-long party it hosted. To others who experience the piranha, I am sorry to you. Tell me your name for this enemy and your remedies. To win this war we must work together.