Energy, Enthusiasm, Enmity

Energy, enthusiasm, enmity. What's that mean? Today was a great day, mostly. It started with a virtually sleepless night and then a light nap from about 5:00 - 9:30 a.m. No cane needed today; just about five extra minutes to straighten up when ascending from the seat of my car. The walking speeds up slowly--from the pace of a turtle to the crawl of a competent seven month old. Greased Lightning would never be my nickname.

Today featured some nausea...some pain and limping on the right hip...some left foot pain...a slight headache...a neck ache...a lower back ache; but who's keeping tabs? I am. Today was massage day, though, and that's always a good day.

Like nothing else, massage relieves my spastic muscles and helps me breathe easier. From the small stiff muscles between my ribs to the large muscles surrounding my hips and thighs; there's no better remedy than a lot of elbow grease by a capable therapist.

Without any medication to make me feel like I'm walking in quicksand, I'm quite enthusiastic. Life feels so much better, drug free. The pain is my noticeable foe; however. It is enthusiastic, too; making it's presence known. Free from the interference of drugs and with its distinct personality, my pain taunts me at will. It's like an enemy hiding just over the hill--never revealing when it will attack. My pain has the advantage. It's on the inside. It knows the enemy has suspended all efforts--revealed a vulnerability in it's line. So, I wait and wonder what is next; and prepare for the enmity.

Enmity for the pain. It's a part of me but not a cherished attribute. It controls me. It makes me tired. I'm tired today. Eight o'clock and I'm in nightie. Finished. When pain wants to make me frenetic, it does. When it eats my bones and soft tissues from the inside, I can't stop it. I hate my pain. Today, I didn't let it stop me. I endeavoured to complete a five item to do list--and did! Return to enthusiasm.